And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
