it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
