i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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