If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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