I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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