once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
