I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
