uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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