hotel room ftw
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
