she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
