I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
