Can i not drive my cunt home
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
