is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
