I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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