Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
