woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
