she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
