Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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