Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
