Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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