Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she woke up with a sticky ear
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
