The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
