Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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