That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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