he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
