All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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