If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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