wakey wakey hands off snakey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
