your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
