I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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