3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
