I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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