I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
