Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
