it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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