Walk of Shame. In a state park.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
