the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
