I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
