Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
