dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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