Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
