So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize