She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
