the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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