I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
