i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
