He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
