I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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