Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
