You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
