Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
