I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
