Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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