he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
tell me about the eggs
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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