i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
