the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
