Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
