is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
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im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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