i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
