Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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