This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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