Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
