Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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