I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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