We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
