That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
