I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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