i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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