Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
